The Curious Case of an Anti-social Biatch

I stared at the monitor for ~five minutes, contemplating on how to write this blog post. After a while, I decided to write some form of letter to my batch mates since this piece is centered on the reunion we had a while back.

Here goes.

Hey batch mates!

I know that it's been four long years since we have gathered together as a whole, and honestly, when the day started, I couldn't wait to see you guys. Well, at first, I was enthusiastic. But, as time went by, I turned hesitant. At first sight, I didn't even recognize some of you. You've all leveled up! Oh well. Time does that to people.

But, as the day went on its natural course, admittedly, I was mostly a ghost to you guys. A specter that could  barely be seen, heard, or felt. Well, I'd have to defend that that was my natural state. But, I owe you a deeper and more concise explanation.

I'm really sorry for the way I was acting earlier. That certainly was no way to act during a reunion, and you're all probably pissed at me right now.You may hate me for my behavior, but to be perfectly honest, I hate myself a million times over.

Well, here's a brief background (I guess you should know, but if you want you can skip this part, although it is of equal importance to the other parts of this 'letter'):

Ever since I can remember, I have been an introvert. As a kid, I never really went out much, and although I did have friends, I preferred to be alone. Thus, I resorted to reading, writing and all that crap. You get the idea.

Well, high school only worsened this behavioral problem of mine. During the first three weeks or so, there wasn't a single day that passed when I wouldn't cry my eyeballs out, figuratively speaking. I was confined in the dorm at that time, and the thought of being away from everyone I came to know, being isolated with a bunch of strangers, plus a whole lot of acad pressures, overwhelmed me.

Blah, blah, blah. Skip to the present. I hope the blat from the past would make you understand. Or not.

But the point is, its really hard for me to socialize with people, even starting a conversation is difficult for me. I never really did do good in crowds, thus, I suck at group interaction. I also presumed, from what I heard, that you guys already have some colorful and eventful lives. But, my life, only revolved around school and home. 

The only conversation starter that seemed apt was asking about college. End of convo. 

You started talking about your love lives: my love life is non-existent. You started to talk about other people, whom I barely know, or whom I do know, but haven't heard from that person in a long while. Let's just say I couldn't relate to what you guys were babbling about. So, I merely listened to what you had to say. But you kept nudging and nagging me to talk, and I didn't think you'd want to hear about my boring life or the like.

But I did talk, if I found the opportunity. That was me trying to fit in. That wasn't me trying to start a conversation for the sake of actually starting a conversation. Believe me, I really wanted to hang out with you guys.

Yadda-yadda-yadda.

It was during  the climax of the afternoon heat that the guys wanted to use the swimming pool already. So, yeah we did and it was fun. :)

But the thing that struck me the most, was when a certain someone (yeah, I guess you know who you are, no point in actually naming anyone for the sake of anonymity) said something really, for me, hurtful.

For the play by play, Person 1 asked me if I still knew you guys (in bisaya, of course). On the inside, I was like, Seriously? Of course I do. Then Person 2 said, "Ah, *someone* and I were the only ones who could actually understand each other because we were both smart. Person 3 defended *someone* and said that she was actually interactive and bubbly. 

Then, this certain someone said in bisaya (and this is not word-for-word), "The reason why they wouldn't bother about interacting with us, is because they're already too intellectually high, and they don't want to waste time talking to us lower people."

Or something like that. You get the point.

Well, BULLSHIT. 

When I heard that, and comprehended what had been said, although maybe it was meant to be a friendly joke or an actual insult or something, whatever that statement's purpose was, I was crushed. I was devastated and embarrassed. In my mind I was like, what the hell was that? Are you effing kidding me? 

You think I'm that shallow? No. I don't think I'm better than any of you. Having to study in a some well-off school doesn't mean that that person is high and mighty or whatever. In fact, to hell with being high and low. That's not the damned problem here. That's not my issue. My problem, is preferring to be a loner, to be surrounded by books, not people.

Well, I'm sorry if I ever made you feel ignored. I'm just not very good at this crap.

It's unbelievable and totally absurd for any one of you to think that. If all of you, or some of you think the exact same way as this certain someone, then think again. 

I felt horrible. 

Well, I guess since then, I've learned my lesson. I really, really, really need to improve myself badly. That's noted. I've had time to reflect and realized that it all boils down to me. My fault. Ha-ha.

So, yeah, to everyone who's pissed at me, I'm sorry.

And please don't say this is just an OA move. Because, it's not. I couldn't tell you in person, because it's like, I can't put this into words verbally. Writing is so much easier for me to put it all down in words. Yes, this is quite long and I hope you have absorbed some of the things I said. Even just a wee bit. But you made it this far, so congrats!

Emphasis: I'm not being OA. I'm passive.

Also, if I was the one you were insinuating earlier, I'm not stupid. I have ears. Hahaha jk but srsly. And if I'm not, then okay. :)

Let's not forget the main word here: SORRY. :)

Thank you guys for an awesome reunion despite particular circumstances.




XO

Momentary Jitters

Dear Ara (in the near future),

Today, you had, what is infamously known as, the jitters. It all started when you were casually scrolling through Twitter. You came upon this tweet by a friend, saying that he/she will not be enrolling in UP, and will proceed with her college duties elsewhere. As I had anticipated, it came as a shock to you, as she had previously said that the both of you would be schoolmates, and even better, course-mates. Yet, the tables have turned in the form of that tweet, and you both exchanged tweets.To cut the long story short, she was already determined to push through with her decision. So, that was one less  person deducted from the list of Pisay people you would be studying with in  UP.

Adding to that factor, was the seemingly severe and discouraging posts and feedback from other Pisay people that have graduated ahead of you, and who are now studying in different UP campuses. It's the end of the second semester for them, and they have been bombarding posts about their grades, and to be honest, we found them entirely discouraging as we read on.

Thus, you decided to talk about this with Mom. She wasn't very happy about you having second thoughts, because she thought it was a little too late for that, since you've already confirmed your slot. Yes, she had a point. But let's be honest with ourselves, we both wanted her to support us, and say, 'Whatever makes you happy, 'nak'. Instead of feeling relieved, you felt even worse.

The next move you made was to check for any batchmates online. You found a sensual batchmate, and you started chatting him up. At first, you felt as if this was going to go nowhere, and you were just going to share about the problem at hand. But it took you by surprise how he gave you just the right kind of advice, the advice you yearned for. And it made you even more determined, and it made the jitters go away. :) So thank you, batchmate, and really good friend!

Therefore, if you ever read this again, which I am sure you will, you're probably in UP right now, if all goes smoothly. Maybe you're busy accomplishing a req, an assignment, studying for an exam, or whatever. If you read this again, and you're doing exactly as I've written above, then kudos to you!

I know, and probably everyone knows, that UP is not a school that offers you ease. It's as they say, "magulang sa Pisay". So what you have gone through in Pisay, it will certainly be harder when you enter UP. Just hang in there, if you're finding difficulty, just remember that it will all pass. The journey may not be a walk in the park, and it can be the most rigorous path you've taken on yet, but it will definitely be one of the most fulfilling, if not the most fulfilling voyage you've ever undertaken so far in your life.

Remember also to reward yourself, even if it's just for a minute victory. Because small things make up big things. :)

Keep praying. God will ALWAYS be there for you.

Focuuus! Haha. Aim high!

Keep moving forward.



I hope you find strength and contentment when you come across this blog post I made especially for you at 9:01 PM of April 12.

Feel free to write back to me. Hihi :D


Lovelots,

Ara from April 12 (the present) xo


P.S. Enjoy this little picture I decided to attach :)

Bumped into this on Tumblr. Believe in YOU :)

A bad case of writer's block yet again

While randomly surfing the broad world of the internet, and at the same time crying my heart out listening to Ed Sheeran's songs (which I am indeed very grateful for, The Ed Sheeran Collection; and yes, I go emotionally crazy when I listen to his songs although I've listened to them for the nth time already; and yes, Ed Sheeran has that uncanny effect on me ❤), I receive a new e-mail.

And the title reads: 'New comment on Forever and Ever' from 'The Wattpad Team'

I immediately feel my heart skip a beat (exagg). It's been a while since I updated my 'mugna' story which I carelessly posted on Wattpad for fun. I hastily access my account on Wattpad. People may think wattpad is cheap and all, but to be honest it's one of my favorite websites on the internet. There are actually some pretty good young writers on wattpad. :) But there are some writers which get on my nerves, but let's not get into that.

So, I go to my fanfiction, and look up the comments. And my immediate reaction is OMG.

My self-made book cover for the fanfiction.