Hello! Do you ever get that feeling when you just want to run away from everything? All the bad stuff happening around you? Just breaking free and lift the weight on your shoulders?
Well, if not, then, I guess you can stop reading from here (or you can keep reading if you really really want to). And if you do, then by all means, keep reading.
I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. We are all Atlases of some sort, carrying the world on our bare shoulders. And as we grow older, it seems like the burden gets heavier and heavier.
I'm fifteen years old. Senior. Scientist in the making, while having an affair with creative writing and journalism. This is one of my burdens. Since I am a senior, college is never far behind. I have to choose what course I need to take, and what university I should enroll to. It's tough. I want to take up Journalism or literature or something related to writing, because I do love writing. And it's my passion. On the other hand, I simply cannot. You see, I am enrolled as a scholar in an exclusive school where our paths have to be scientifically or mathematically centered. We basically can't take up courses unrelated to these fields. But I don't regret, because their training's exceptional.
That's burden-on-my-shoulder-number-one.
Another burden: I'm slightly overweight. Or so the doctor told me four years ago. I haven't gone to the doctor to check on my weight since. Well, that's a huge deal for me. I was big when I was born until I was six or something, then six to eight years old I was real skinny, then from then on, I'm what everyone calls chubby. I think it's a euphemism or something. But whatever, the point is is that since then I've always felt so self-conscious and that did lower my self-esteem. And psychologically it has affected me. I always fear that the chair I'm sitting on will break or something like that. And I always feel like everyone's eye is on me, because, you know, I'm big. The feeling sucks.
That's burden-on-my-shoulder-number-two.
School is pressuring me. Yes, I bet everyone feels this. But to the few who don't, lucky you. Well, this is self-explanatory I guess, so let's move on.
That's burden-on-my-shoulder-number-three.
I'm "anti-social". Or so they tell me. I don't know if I was always like this. I do have friends, don't get me wrong. But it's those times when I meet new people sometimes, it's like I don't know what to talk about with this person. And I'm the kind of gal who wants to make the second move. I don't like having to do the first move. Sorry. And then there's that case with the people who I used to know, but now we're not so close anymore. It's like "What happened to you? What happened to us" moments, where you used to be real close, and now you're just strangers. Sometimes, I have no idea what to say in those cases. And the consequence is, a lot of times I feel absolutely out-of-place.
That's burden-on-my-shoulder-number-four.
Expectations. Everyone has expectations no matter how much we deny it. And at times I feel like the stakes are so high for me, that I think that I am not allowed, i repeat, not allowed to make mistakes. And so when I do, i feel like poop.
That's burden-on-my-shoulder-number-five.
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